Only the dog...

This sign says "No coming in. Only the dog." The girl wrote this yesterday. She sounded out everything the the word "the" on this sign. I'll have you know, my daughter is brilliant!

GIRAFFE

This is a picture of a giraffe that The Girl drew a while back. I wasn't able to post it then, so I'm posting it now. Along with some cowboy/girl pictures a friend took of the kids. Enjoy.

New Years Resolutions, 2006

***THIS IS MY NEW YEARS POST FROM LAST YEAR. AS I HAVEN'T HAD TIME TO SIT DOWN AND WRITE A NEW ONE, I THOUGHT I'D CHEAT AND JUST USE THIS ONE. I SHOULD HOPEFULLY BE ABLE TO SIT AT THE COMPUTER AFTER BEDTIME SOON, AND VERY SOON. WE SHOULD BE STARTING WORK ON OUR HOUSE BY NEXT WEEK. KEEP YOUR FINGERS CROSSED!***

Well, it’s 1:30 on the morning of January 1st, 2006. I’m sitting in front of my computer, thanks to an earlier ingestion of caffeine. I’m picking apart a salad, because I decided I only wanted to eat the baby carrots, not the lettuce or tomatoes. And I’m thinking, as I have been for the last several days, about New Year’s resolutions. Wondering if I should make any at all. And if I do, should I share them with anyone, or keep them personal? What should they be? Should they be deep, spiritual, emotional things? Like, strengthen my relationship with God by praying six hours a day? Or shallow, physical things? Like, take a shower every day? Maybe a bit of both? Maybe I should start by examining the things about me that I want to change. Get comfortable, ‘cause this could be a long list.

PHYSICAL:
1. Find a good haircut (and someone who knows how to do it).
2. Lose five pounds (preferably in my butt and thighs).
3. Learn how to do my makeup.
4. Buy proper makeup so I can do it right.
5. Do some sit-ups so I can get back the stomach muscles I lost after Tyner was born.
6. Start a regular exercise routine, whether at home or in a gym.
7. Eat healthier, i.e. less refined stuff, more fruits and veggies, less eating out, less soda.
8. Drink water, ‘cause really, I hardly drink any at all.
9. Start dressing better, more feminine. Lose the jeans and t-shirts all the time.
10. Start going to bed earlier (by 10 pm-ish).
11. Stop ingesting caffeine (because it’s EVIL!!!!).

EMOTIONAL/MENTAL:
1. Be a better mother. Less explosive. More fun. More consistent.
2. Be a better wife. Less explosive. More fun. More understanding.
3. Figure out who BETH is. Not who she’s supposed to be, but who she really is.
4. Finally take at least ONE step towards my career goal (career dream, actually, ‘cause I’ve got no goals right now): Accounting.
5. Find myself outside of my family (husband, children, parents, sisters).
6. Continue counseling with Jason, no matter where we’re living.
7. Do my LiveJournal more often, as it’s a good venting place.

SPIRITUAL:1. Get closer to God (how clichéd).
2. Do devotionals every day, instead of every...year?
3. Remember how well God provides for the Hudson family, and continue to trust Him.
4. Teach my children more about God, and be an example for them.
5. Pray more often for my family, and others around me. Maybe start a prayer journal?

FOR FUN:
1. Continue scrapbooking, and finding joy in it.
2. Try to schedule ME time every month, for something totally girly (eyebrow waxing SO does not count!).
3. Pick up a new hobby, maybe something Jay and I can do together (Jay suggested golf).
4. Do something fun with one or both of my children more than rarely.

Well, there is the list as I see it. For now, anyway. I’m sure I could think of a lot more if I really thought about it, and if it wasn’t almost 2:00 am. I don’t know that I’ll make these all New Year’s resolutions. Maybe they should be lifetime goals. Maybe I should really look at them and start making some short-term goals out of them. Why does it have to take so much time to better yourself? Man, I’m such a whiner. Maybe I should add “Stop whining so much” to my list.

So, maybe my NY resolution shouldn’t be all of these things on my list. Maybe it should be only one thing: BETH’S NEW YEARS RESOLUTION 1. Carefully review list of desired changes and begin setting attainable goals for yourself!

Yay! I figured it out. The secret to personal fulfillment and happiness. The Meaning of Life. Okay, maybe not your life, but mine at least. Okay, signing off at exactly 2:00 am on the first day of the New Year. Here’s hoping I can post this, and LiveJournal doesn’t kick me off like it did before. Good thing I typed and saved this in Word first, huh? I’m so smart.

My Secret Identities!

1.YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current street name) Dusty Highway

2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (favorite cookie, fav ice cream flavor) PeanutButter Daquiri

3. YOUR "FLY Guy/Girl" NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name)B-Hud

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal) Blue Beagle

5. YOUR PORNO NAME: (most recent pet, grandma's maiden name) Chesty Racer (Hub's Gma's maiden name, misspelled for effect)

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, last 4 letters of mom's maiden name) Hud Be Murr

7. SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink put "The") The Pink Soda

8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers/grandmothers) Doris Ila Raymond Robert

9. STRIPPER NAME: (the name of your favorite perfume/cologne) Polo Sport

10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother & father's middle name) Lee Franklin

Tuesday in Etna

Those of you who know me, know I hate to get up early. I love sleeping, and therefore I love sleeping LATE. I'm not sure what is so much better about sleeping late in the mornings as opposed to sleeping earlier in the night, but there you go. So, I have made a mid-November resolution. I need to start getting up earlier, so that I can be showered and dressed and going before The Kids get up. And I need to start doing this NOW so that when (if? when? if?) I start working, and when we move to our own house, I will be used to it and it won't be such a shock to my poor system. So, I got up at 6:15 this morning. Actually, the alarm went off at 6:01, and I sorta' fell back to sleep, but I did get out of bed at 6:15. I was out of the shower and dressed when The Girl got up at 6:45. Got her some breakfast at around 7-ish, since she was "SOOO HUNGRY!!!" Got myself some hot cider and a banana. And then came back and got on the computer, hoping to get some stuff looked at before The Boy wakes up.

Well, he is up now. He heard The Hubster in the garbage truck outside. The Boy was yelling for me and when I went into his room he goes "Daddy here. I want go see him!" So, we hustled to the backdoor to wave to Daddy The Garbage Man.

As for the rest of the day, we have MOPS in about an hour. We are taking pictures of the kids today as our craft. It should be interesting. Hope The Boy is in a good mood. When we get home I've got a couple loads of laundry to throw in. I should probably change the sheets on our bed and put the flannel ones on, 'cause it is getting COLD here at night (and during the day, too!). The kids' sheets could probably use a washing too, so I'll have to do sheets first before nap time. The poor Boy only has one sheet for his crib. GG and Papa have a potluck for their bible study tonight, so I'm in charge of dinner. The Girl wanted spaghetti, so maybe I'll make some meatballs (she doesn't like meat sauce, but the rest of us like meat). We have salad stuff and some french bread. So, that's dinner for the day. Not sure what I'll do between the laundry and dinner, but I'm sure I can find some chore that needs to be done. Funny thing is, I find that when I get up and going early in the morning, I tend to be more driven to do chores, or house-y things, throughout the day. Maybe I'll bake something while the kids are napping.

Anyway. Enough rambling about my day. I'm enjoying myself right now. The kids and I are back in my room. I'm on the computer and The Girl is playing with Legos on the floor next to me. She has discovered a passion for Legos since The Boy's birthday party, where he got a tub of them. The Boy was watching TV, but now both kids are digging through the box of shoes trying to find The Girl's high heels. That's going to be a fun clean-up job for them.

Some of you know I read this website called The Family Homestead. Well, the other day we ran out of chocolate syrup, and didn't have money to go buy more. And my kids love chocolate milk. So, I decided to make my own from a recipe on that website. It was good. Not as sweet as the store bought stuff, and I actually know what went into it, which is nice. I'll post the recipe down below. This website is great. A lot of good recipes and tips for homemaking. On days when I feel lazy I go and read some of her articles in the "Homemaking and Home Management" section, and it gives me the motivation to get up and do something. It also helps me to remember what the main goal is, taking care of my family, and that it's not all just drudgery. I urge you all to check out this website. I look at it everyday. So, here is the recipe:

Chocolate Syrup
Crystal Miller

This syrup works great for topping vanilla pudding or for using to make chocolate milk. My kids love it!

½ C dry cocoa powder
1 C cane juice crystals (you can use white sugar here)
1 C water
1 tsp vanilla

In a sauce pan mix cocoa powder, cane juice crystal’s and water. Bring to a boil and make sure all the chocolate powder is broken up and the cane juice crystals are dissolved. Remove from heat and add vanilla and stir. Let cool and use or store in a canning jar in the fridge.

To use for chocolate milk simply mix in the desired amount of chocolate syrup to 1 glass of cold milk and enjoy!

Okay, there it is. I need to get going so that I can get the kids dressed and ready for MOPS. Hope you all have a good day!

School Pictures

Here are the kids' school pictures. The Boy isn't actually in school, but we got his done anyway. Didn't his turn out so cute? To all the sister's, yours are in the mail!

Update

Okay, so I talked to one of my sisters today, and realized that I never know who I've told what to. There are so many people who I talk to, and I never remember who I've updated and who I haven't. So, I'll just update on here "from now on." On with the show...

The house thing seems to be moving along well. The Hubster's dad got called to the bank to sign more papers for the loan on the house they are buying, so that's all going good. We will hopefully be able to move into the small house on the grandparents property by Thanksgiving *keeping my fingers crossed*. That will be after ripping out carpet, cleaning, painting, and replacing flooring.

The Hubster is liking his new job. He's a garbage man (Waste Management Technician?), for those that don't know. I just made an appointment for him today at DMV to take his class B license test next month. I saw him driving the truck today for the first time. My husband looks very cute when he is all blue collar like that! He has been doing a lot of hunting with his grandpa the last few weeks. He got his resident hunting license and a bear tag, so he is hoping to get something (remember, we don't "catch" the wild animals). Papa bought a new quad, and gave The Hubster his old one, and he is loving that. I think so far he is content being down here. Liking work and having recreation time are big pluses for him and his sanity.

The kids are doing good. The Girl started preschool a couple of weeks ago. She is going Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I was hoping she would be going five days a week this year, but so far they don't have any spots open. If they get one, though, her teacher said she could have it. The Boy is good too. I can't believe he'll be three in two and a half weeks. Man, time flies. He still has his attitude, but we're trying to train that out of him. Both kids are able to go to Awanas this year (Wednesday night church). They are both in the Cubbies class, although they are in different groups. And darn it, they look awfully cute with their vests on! We have started talking about Halloween costumes. The Girl wanted to be Belle, but WalMart didn't have that costume. So then she picked a mermaid fairy, or something like that. That costume was too big for her, so she decided she wanted to be a pirate like her brother. Which I think is totally appropriate, because they are both SO into Peter Pan right now. Well, not so much Peter Pan as Captain Hook. So, GG and I are going to work on pirate costumes for the two of them. I'll post pictures when we get them all together.

As for me, well, I'm doing good. Still waiting to hear from someone about a job. Got a call from PremierWest Bank the other day, but it was for a full-time position. When I told her I wanted part-time, she sounded interested, like maybe a part-time job was going to be coming available. So, I'm still waiting to see. We could really use the money that a full-time position would bring, but I'm trusting God that his plan is for me to work part-time. He will bring something when it's his time. Until then, I know he will provide for our needs with what we have available. I have started going to MOPS and a bible study down here. The cool thing is, most of my friends from before go to the bible study, so it's been really easy to slip back into my place here. That's the thing I love about a small town like this. It's like we never left. Now I'm just continuing to pray that The Hubster will go with me to the bible study. You guys pray too, okay? Okay. Maybe after hunting season is over.

So, anyway. There is the rundown of whats been happening down here. Hope you all enjoyed it!

Grillz feat. Danielbeast, LG15, P. Monkey, and O'n

Akeelah and the Bee

So, I just watched the movie Akeelah and the Bee. It was a very good movie, and I would recommend it to anyone. It is even okay for kids, although younger ones might not be too interested in it. And if any of you are wondering who Akeelah's older brother is played by (as in, you can't figure out where you've seen him before), he is the guy from The Famous Jett Jackson that used to play on Disney Channel. Anyhoo. This movie is one of those that makes you want to run out and buy a dictionary. Okay, not really. But it is one that feels inspirational, that makes you want to push yourself a little bit harder at what you do. It also made me want more for my kids. It made me hope for more for them. It made me dream of what they might accomplish if I give them the support and love that they need. There was also a very good quote in the movie. I think they used part of this quote in the previews, but I'm going to post the entire thing here. I think I'm also going to print it out as a reminder for me. So, enjoy. And maybe be inspired.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
-Marianne Williamson

One Bottle of Water (or, The Post in Which I Call Myself a Schlub Five Times)

Yep. One bottle is all the water I drank today. I’m such a schlub. I have been so negligent lately about eating healthy and exercising. For a while I was doing really great about working out every other day. I was going to yoga twice a week, on my off days. I was drinking more water than soda. I was eating healthy foods and cutting back on my addiction (High Fructose Corn Syrup). Somewhere, that all stopped. Actually, I can tell you when it stopped.

It stopped when we went to Etna to pick up The Girl from her visit to GG and Papa’s. We were down there for three weeks. I did pretty good at first. I went to the gym every other day. I took a really long walk (almost five miles). Pretty much all I drank was water. I was eating really healthy. I only made it to yoga the last Monday we were there because of the holiday and a family dinner. I’m not so sure it stopped there, or if it stopped when we got back. The working out stopped when we got back. I don’t know why. The Hubster was unemployed, so I didn’t have to take the kids with me, so I don’t know what my excuse was. I was still going to yoga twice a week. Then, mid-August I cancelled my gym membership. And even though the membership doesn’t actually expire until the end of September, I stopped going to yoga. Like I said, I’m a schlub.

Something I’ve learned about myself over the last few years: I’m one of those people who have to start with working out, and the healthy eating follows almost without conscious effort. Therefore, when the working out stops, the healthy eating stops as well. So, since I’ve given up pretty much all physical activity, I’ve given up pretty much all healthy food. And really, it’s not that I’m eating tons of unhealthy food. Really, I’m just not eating much at all. I usually skip breakfast, which I’ve heard is a big no-no. Some days I have lunch and some days I don’t, depending on how much energy I need to put into the kids (meaning: more energy, no lunch; less energy, yes lunch). I usually eat dinner, because most nights I cook it. But I have been eating smaller portion sizes lately, since I was shocking myself with the amount of food I was consuming at the evening meal. My water-drinking has become almost non-existent. I’m back to eating lots of candy and chips, especially late at night (which again, I’ve heard is a big no-no). Again, I’m a schlub.

Something else I’ve learned about myself over the years. I am not very self-motivated when it comes to working out. I can’t pop in an exercise video at home and have a great workout. I don’t like to use the treadmill in the dining room, or run on the road, alone. The thing is, even though I didn’t talk to anyone at the gym, I was so much more enthused about working out when I was there. I could run on the treadmill for an hour. I could do a weight machine circuit in no time. I would just put my headphones on, sweat like a fool, and watch people. But the thing is, my life isn’t very conducive to gym memberships. I’ve got two small kids and a husband at home. I have other things I could be doing with that time. But I enjoyed that time so much! I enjoyed feeling healthy. I enjoyed being able to touch my toes for the first time in my life after four months of yoga. And let me tell you, after a month of no yoga, my body is protesting. That is definitely something I need to keep up with.
Anyway. I’m not sure what the point of this post is. I guess just to tell you what a schlub I am. How I don’t take care of my body. And I’m not even getting into showering and hair products and make-up and how many times a day I brush my teeth. Hygiene is a whole other post. But only because I’m a schlub.

My Kids Are Short

As our kids get older, we all say things like “You’re growing up so fast,” or “You’re getting so big.” I myself have said these very things to both my kids in the last few months. Sometimes they seem like clichés, over used phrases meant to praise our kids. But really, physically, emotionally, and mentally, they are so true. The Girl has a pair of pants that used to fit her, but are suddenly capris. The Boy can sing most of “Jesus Loves Me,” as long as you can keep him calm, and he doesn’t turn into his rabid, weird self. My baby boy is no longer a baby, but a crazy, loud, energetic toddler. My chubby cheeked, big-eyed girl is no longer a toddler, but a slim, to-smart-for-her-own-good preschooler. The days go so fast, even when they seem so slow. But anyway, all this melancholy wasn’t the point of this post. I’ve gotten all swept away in the nostalgia and sadness that is motherhood. Here’s the point:

I realized something tonight, as The Girl came out of her dark room, “needing to pee” (even though she had gone right before bed, a half hour before). My children are really very short. I know this seems to be one of those “Well, duh!” statements, but it’s really meant in a profound way. I was irritated with her, because I don’t think she really peed at all, or that she really needed to go in the first place. I ordered her back to bed, and as I was walking behind her out of the bathroom, I realized how short she is. (Speaking of peeing, it’s now 1:00 am, and The Girl just stumbled in here bleary-eyed and half awake, needing to go. But she really had to go this time.) And in that instant, in realizing that she was short physically, I also realized that she is “short” emotionally, and behaviorally. I don’t mean to say that she is behind or that she has problems. Just that she is four years old, and The Boy is two, and sometimes I forget that.

The Girl, in my opinion, has always been a bit ahead of the curve. She hit all the milestones just slightly ahead of schedule. She walked at 11 months, she started talking around 15. She has always been so intelligent that I guess I’ve begun to think of her as being older than she is. Even in all the times I’ve reminded The Hubster “She’s only four!” I guess I too have been guilty of forgetting her physical age. As I walked behind her to her room, to lay her back down in bed, my anger dissipated. How could I be mad at someone so small for something so…small?

Sometimes I’m disappointed in myself, for how upset I get at the kids for such insignificant things. The Girl will ask me for chocolate milk when I’m in the middle of making dinner. I get so irritated with her, even though she hasn’t done anything wrong. She isn’t throwing a fit, or demanding that I get it for her NOW. She has simply made a request for something that she can’t get for herself. Most of the time, when I change The Boy’s diaper, before he can lay down, he has to hug me. Why should this frustrate me? My wonderful, loving son is only trying to show affection to me. And I’m annoyed because he’s taking up my time. Time that I could be doing what? Surfing the internet, watching TV, reading my book? How could any of these things be more important than getting a hug from my baby? Why am I letting myself miss these opportunities? Opportunities to make memories with my kids, build up their self-esteem, or show them that I care? I always said, growing up, that I wanted to be a mother. Why am I not taking this chance that God has given me to BE a mother? To BE involved, to BE loving, to BE there for my kids. How have I let everything else become more important to me than my own flesh and blood?

Whew. Okay. Guess it’s back to the melancholy, isn’t it? The whole point of this thing was that my kids are short, and I need to start treating them like they are. But then the Guilt Monster came in and took over. Well, I should go to bed now. Its 1:30 and I’m afraid the battery on my new laptop is going to give out soon. Oh yeah, did I mention I’m sitting in bed, typing this on my new computer I bought from my bestest friend? Sweet. Good thing The Hubster is hunting for the week, or I would still be exiled to the freezing dining room.

***EDITED TO ADD: This morning, at 6:30, when both of my children are already awake (one having been up for at least an hour already), and after getting five hours sleep, doesn’t seem like such a good time to test my “be nice to short people” theory. But I will try.***

I'm goin' ta Portland...

I will be gone for a few days. Well, okay, about 28 hours. But darn it, it's over night. Jalopy and I are heading down to Portland for a little fun. We're gonna' shop, we're gonna' eat out, we're going to traverse the city and look for odd places to take pictures. It'll be a blast. Very reminiscint of our highschool and post-highschool years (think movie theaters and Ocean Shores). Wish me fun!!!

Words of wisdom from "What Not To Wear"

This was a quote from a lady named Maura who was on "What Not To Wear: Baby on Board."

"I don't like the new trend of the harried, invisible mom, where you have to be Super Woman and disappear behind your children. I think the mother should be a fully developed person of her own. That gives the child something to look up to, and something to aspire to be."

A tiny little MEME.

Tagged by WndrKim

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4. What does it say? Webster's II New College Dictionary: (ACRO)BATICS.] Performance of stunts, as rolls and loops, with an air-craft.

2. Stretch your arms out as far as you can. What are you touching on with your right hand? Thin air. Left hand? Filing cabinet.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV? Cal Ripken World Series

4. Without looking, guess what time it is. 11:53 a.m.

5. Now look at the clock. 12:07 p.m. Yeah, a little off.

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? High Five on TLC On Demand.

7. When did you last step outside? Last night to walk over to Campbells' house to get a movie.

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at? My blog. What can I say? I love myself.

9. What are you wearing? A gray hooded sweatshirt, and old pair of The Hubster's boxer briefs, and blue sport shorts.

10. Did you dream last night? Probably. I don't remember, but it was probably pretty weird.

11. When did you last laugh? Last night watching Madea's Family Reunion. I probably laughed at one of my kids this morning, but I can't remember.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in? A calendar, and a bunch of Busy Bee's decorations.

13. Seen anything weird lately? My daughter in a dark bathroom with my red bandana on her head, and with her hands in my brush drawer. All of this while she was supposed to be sleeping.

14. What is the last film you saw? On video: Madea's Family Reunion. In theaters: I think it was The Devil Wears Prada.

15. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy? Pay off debt, save for retirement and college, buy our very own house.

16. Tell me something about you that I don't know. My dream is to someday feed my family all natural foods. Nothing processed.

17. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? Find a way to convince everyone to choose Christ, I'm with the others on this one.

18. Do you like to dance? Only when no one is watching.

19. George W Bush: He has my utmost respect and prayers. I am so thankful for a president who is not afraid to be "un-popular" when it comes to doing what he believes is right. Praise the Lord for allowing him to be president during these scary times. Again, I'm with the others!

20. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? We called her Sierra Beth. Yeah, she has has my name as her middle. I told you I love myself!

21. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? And we called him Tyner Joseph.

22. Would you ever consider living abroad? Heck yeah. I'm up for anything.

23. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gate? Amen Heather "Well done, thou good and faithful servant. Enter into your rest."

I'm not going to tag anyone on this one. I don't have enough readers to go there...

Guilt and shame...EDITED

I keep telling myself I need to get on here and write something. I feel so bad every day that goes by. I sit down at my computer, and I start clicking with my mouse. But do I click on the link that takes me to "create new post"? No. I click on "Kim's Blog," "Erin's Journal," "Found in France," "Mamarazzi," "Mom-101," "Daring Young Mom," and on and on and on and on and on. That's a lot of reading, people. And by the time I finish doing that, reading fanmail email, checking the bank account, the Blockbuster account, MySpace, and all that other lame-o stuff I do, well, I'm just tired. Or The Kids have tuned in to my distraction and are trying to get my attention by acting like monkeys in a banana factory. Or The Hubster is bored and is standing over my shoulder, watching my every click and reading every line of my IM convos with The Sisters. It's all very distracting.

But, there is another reason I don't write. Well, a couple of reasons.

The first one? I don't feel like I'm a good enough writer. I know my sisters are really the only ones that read this, and they think I'm friggin' hilarious. But when I read all those blogs I read, and I see what good writers some of these women are, I don't feel like I measure up.

The second reason? I want this to be a fun blog. A humorous blog. And right now, there isn't much humor in my life. Or if there is, I'm not seeing it, and I'm REALLY not feeling it. Most of my readers (that would be you, Singer girls) know my circumstances. For those that may or may not be lurking, The Hubster and I are in a bit of a limbo right now, what with jobs and states of residence in question. This has been going on for two and a half months. And let me tell you, two and a half months in Limbo can really shrivel up your funny bone. I was so happy five months ago. My old, high school-type sense of humor was finally coming back. My goofy, sarcastic, strange mind was being reborn. I was finally feeling good about myself and my situation, and it was showing in the way I was relating to people (in the real world and in the blogosphere). But I've lost that in the last few months. So not only is my situation stressing me out, but the loss of my ability to see the hilarity in situations is making me sad.

Anywho... So, there it is. My list of excuses. TB, I'm sorry I can't do more for you. I promise that once The Hubster makes his decisions and I know where our lives are headed, I'll be back. Even if we end up down in NoCal, I'll be on my dial-up internet, pounding away on the keyboard until late in the night. Just to make up for all the wasted time.

Then again, maybe I'll just super-caffeinate myself everyday with Cherry Coke and a couple of Midol. It seemed to work yesterday.....

Edited to add: I'm not saying I don't want to talk about my life on my blog. It is, after all, MY blog. I'm just saying I don't want to depress everyone with my angst-ridden musings about how horrible my world is. Because my world isn't really horrible. It's just...well...out of whack right now. Thanks, sisters, for your encouraging words. I will keep writing, and trying to find the humor in my life.

Some pics from The Hubster

Here are some pictures The Hubster recently took. Aren't the kiddos cute?

The Girl's newest art piece.

So, The Girl isn't the most creative artist. She doesn't usually draw very detailed pictures. So, when she drew this today, I had to put it on here. She put a lot of thought into this. It is for our neighbor, who is big into gardening.

It is someone's castle with their garden out front. There is a carrot, a couple of oranges, and some cabbage. The red spotted thing is "just a statue."

Idn't she cute?

WERD of the Day

sole 1. The undersurface of the foot. 2. The undersurface of a shoe or boot. 3. The part on which an object rests while standing esp. a) the bottom surface of a plow. b) the bottom surface of the head of a golf club.

Use it in a sentence: I like squishing spiders with the sole of my shoe!

Patience

Dear God:

Hi. Yeah, it's me again. I've got something to ask you. I know everyone always says not to pray for patience. Because, then, you know, I'll get tested to build up my patience. But at this point, I'm desperate. I'm already being majorly tested, so I'll ask for it anyway.

Please give me patience with The Girl. She is turning into someone I don't know, and I'm trying to hold on to who she was. My sweet, obedient, good little girl. She's not so obedient now. She's still sweet, and good...at heart. But she's got this attitude. And this whiny voice. And this tendency to pick up the bad habits of her friends. Like Neighbor Boy. Sometimes I don't want her to play with him anymore, because she seems to come home with all the behaviors of his that I loathe. And I don't want to loathe my daughter. Give me patience to teach her what is right, to correct her behavior, and to not kill her in the process.

Please give me patience with The Boy. Because he is, well, a boy. He's loud, he's rambuncious, he doesn't listen, and sometimes, well...he's a bit slow. Help me to remember that he is not The Girl. He's never caught on as quickly as she did, and he probably never will. Help me to be patient when instructing him, instead of getting frustrated and doing it myself. Help me to deal with his screaming without screaming myself. I have no clue what to do with him, Lord, but I know you do. It's not that he is a horrible child. I know he is sweet, and loving. He loves to hug and kiss and cuddle. But it's when he gets himself all wound up that he gets out of control. Help me to keep him alive as well.

Please give me patience with Neighbor Boy. Help me to remember that he is not parented like I parent my children. Help me to remember that at his house, the things he does are okay. Give me the patience to remind him that those things are not okay here. Without killing him.

Please give me patience with The Hubster. He has been so amazing since he has been off work. So helpful and willing to stay with the kids. But his anal-ness is about to drive me crazy. I'm sick of being "reminded" to do things, or questioned about why I haven't done them. Help me to remember that you gave him this part of his personality. And remind me occasionally that if we were in our own place, I'd be acting the same way he is.

Oh yeah. About that being in our own place thing. WHEN'S THAT GONNA' HAPPEN?!?! Guess that's another thing I need patience for. It's been two years that we've been here with my parents. And I'm not quite as close to insanity as I was a while ago. Thanks for that. But help me to be patient, and to know that we will be in our own place when it's your time for us to be in it.

Please give me patience while waiting for this stupid job to go through. I know it is an amazing opportunity, a way for us to have the money we need to pay off bills and have our own place. But I am getting SOOOOOOO tired of waiting. It's been two months already, and the lawyers are "still talking." What's up with that? Are they only talking over lunch or something? I'm at the point now where I just want to give up and move to California. Forget the waiting. Forget the wondering if it's even gonna' happen. At what point do things actually go our way? Grrr....

Okay, I'll stop now. I know you have a plan for us. I know that in my mind. But I don't feel it in my heart. Help me to trust you. Thanks.

Beth

New Feature

"Werd" of the Day

That says "Werd" of the Day, by the way.

overbuy, -bought, -buying, -buys: 1. To buy in excess of what is needed. 2. To buy (stock) on margin in excess of one's ability to provide further security if prices drop. 3. To buy goods beyond one's needs or means.

Use it in a sentence:

When I have my credit card in my hand, I tend to overbuy products from wherever I happen to be. It doesn't matter if it's Wal-Mart, amazon.com, or Safeway. If there is stuff to get, I'm overbuying!

Are you kidding me?!?!

Okay, how long has it been since I've posted something actually worth reading? Let me calculate....TWO AND A HALF MONTHS!!!!! Sheesh. I am a disgrace to the blogging world.

Well, my friends. That is all going to change. I'm back, and I'm better than ever! Well, I'm back, at least. I've taken a very loooong hiatus from blogging, but that is over now.

I've discovered something on my blog-free vacation: I don't like who I am when I'm not blogging. I take others (and myself) WAY too seriously. There is no odd sense of humor. Random thoughts do not randomly come out of my sometimes-random brain...randomly. I am a happier, sillier, funnier person when I am writing in my blog (and reading other peoples' blogs). I think blogging is a release for me (thanks for the psycho-analyzation, TB). A way to empty out my brain at the end of the day. That way, all the goo doesn't leak all over my life at other times.

So, anyway. Hopefully, you should be seeing (I mean reading) more of me in the near future. And hopefully, I'll be back to blog-hopping and comment-posting too.

See you soon!

MY NEW SHIRTS!!!

These are my two newest shirts I ordered. As some of you know, I have a thing for weird shirts. These two are from www.retroduck.com. The order started with the fishing one because we went fishing three times while here in Cali, and I realized how much I liked it. So I wanted to try to find a funky 70s "Hooked on Fishing" t-shirt. And, oh boy, did I ever. I got it on a white with black sleeves baseball shirt. So, here it is:

Then I saw this one and had to get it. I did get it on the pink tee. The cool thing about this site is that you can pick whatever style and color of t-shirt you want. So, here's the soccer one:


So, there they are. Here are some pics of other shirts I have ordered recently:

So, there they are. Enjoy!!! And yeah, yeah, I know. This probably wasn't exactly the post you wanted to see, TB. But deal with it!!! I'll try to write something when I get home. We may have some exciting news to post soon. We'll see...

This joke knows no age....

The Hubster and I were laying The Boy down for bed tonight. Here's how it went:

The Boy: Guess what?
Us: What?
The Boy: Chicken Butt!

He's only two and a half, for gosh sakes!!! Where did he learn that already?

Of course, once we laughed, he could stop saying "Chicken Butt!" and laughing hysterically.

Can you tell who our family comedian is going to be? Yeah, him.

The Boy, in all his glory!

Here is some video of The Boy. I think this best shows all sides of his personality. And how quickly he can change from one to the other. Enjoy!


Video Hosting - Upload Video - Video Sharing

Plans for a Great Summer

This is going to be the most silly summer ever. I am going to sleep until noon. Then I am going to have cookies for breakfast.

After breakfast, Ereena and I will go to the beach and build sand dogs all morning. If we get bored, we will go down to the park and go roller running. For lunch we will have ice cream sandwiches.

Later in the summer, I may take a trip to Seattle to visit Tyra Banks. Or maybe I will go to camp and learn deer-back riding. I definitely want to watch Over The Hedge sixteen times.

Last week, my parents were talking about having me clean the blankets out of the garage. They also want me to walk the lawn every week. And I think they said something about pushing in the garden. I hope they won't be too dirty when they find out I already have plans!

Go ahead. Make your own madlib!! You know you want to.

Why didn't anyone warn me?!?!

Before I had The Boy, I thought I knew what to expect. The Girl was a perfect child. She didn’t cry, she talked and walked early, she obeyed when we told her to do something. She was awesome. Even as she entered Toddlerhood, she was sweet and quiet and loving. The Boy was born when The Girl was almost two. She was an awesome big sister. She wasn’t jealous at all. I was scared that The Boy was going to be her complete opposite. A horrible baby. A screamer, a clinger, colicky, something, anything bad.

But he wasn’t. He was such a good baby. Quiet, sweet, started sleeping through the night at two months, and that he did by himself. He was so precious.












Through infancy he was always quiet. Just sat back and watched everyone and everything. He was a bit lazy. He didn’t want to roll over, or crawl, or scoot, or anything. He just wanted to lay on the floor and be waited on.












But still. He was wonderful. Then he grew up.

My sister had three boys, years before The Boy was born. I was around them a lot. You think I’d have remembered what they were like. Or maybe they weren’t as bad as The Boy. I don’t know. But what I have now? A complete and total tornado of terror. He is in constant motion; he never slows down. Always touching something, tasting something, pushing something, hitting something. ALWAYS getting into something. Case in point:











These are the shorts he started out in this morning. While I was on the computer talking to TB, he was getting down the Bordeaux’s Butt Paste diaper rash medicine and self-medicating. Don’t think I’m a bad mom. This stuff is on top of the dresser in a plastic box. I often have a hard time finding it, it is so covered with diapers and wipes boxes. But my creative little boy got a small plastic chair to climb on. Yeah, he’s smart.

And talk about rough and tumble. His favorite thing to do is wrestle. I blame The Hubster for that. He will wrestle with anyone who happens to be on the floor (The Boy, not The Hubster). You can’t even crouch down to talk to him without him trying to tackle you. And his favorite person to wrestle with? The Girl. Whether she wants to or not. He loves to pick on her. He likes to hit, with his hands, or whatever toy is in his hands. And he’ll hit whichever of her body parts is closest to him. He kicks and pushes too. He steals toys from her and throws them over the baby gate so that she can’t get them. Another thing. I honestly cannot remember The Girl ever getting holes in any of her clothes (unless, of course, you count the socks that she cut off her feet). But I have the feeling that this











is going to become a common sight in our house. He got these beauties by pretending to be a bunny rabbit on concrete. Full hoppage on the knees. Sounds like fun, eh?

The Boy is such a.... well, he’s such a boy. Now, don’t let me scare you off here. He is a wonderful kid. Very loving, when he wants to be. If he sees a baby, or another toddler, or a preschooler, any small-ish kid, he will go up and give them a hug, and try to kiss them. The other parents at The Girl’s school call him “The Hugger.” He gives great kisses, too. Every time I sit on the floor to change his diaper, he has to give me a hug and a cuddle before we’re done. He’s fun to play with, he loves to hear stories, and we’re really starting to have some great conversations. But sometimes, I get this face:











This is the “Damn It Woman! Don’t take another picture of me after you woke me up early from my nap!!!!” face.

And man, this boy has got a sense of humor. He is Exactly. Like. His. Father. He has a very serious side. He has gotten very good at “The Look,” as my family has dubbed it. He got that from me. But he is a huge-ass goofball just like The Hubster. He has us in stitches every night when we sing before bed. Looks like this often get the laughs too:
















And the sweet side. Here is a sweet face:











Seriously. How cute is he? Okay, I should go before I post any more pictures of The Boy. I promise one of these days I’ll do a post of The Girl. Ahh, The Girl. My (younger) twin. My exact copy. She is my soul mate. A sort of Mini Me, if you will.

Goodnight.

The Boy's New Shirt

Here is The Boy's new shirt that I got at Target today. I have been looking for one of these in his size. It's totally appropriate, don't you think?

He is sitting on my lap right now, and here is our conversation:

Me: I think you look silly wearing daddy's hat.

Him: No! No see-yee, Mama. Me mad. Noht (not) fay (not fair).

Me: You're mad? Why are you mad? What's not fair?

Him: Me pay (play) ow hide (outside). No fay.

Me: Oh. You're mad that you don't get to play outside, and it's not fair?

Him: Yeah.

And...that was it. Keep in mind, people, that this is my stimulation throughout the day. Conversations with a two-and-a-half year old. Here's one between The Boy and The Hubster the other night while going to bed:

Boy: Me you voom-voom, dah-ee (daddy).

Hub: You wanna' go in my jeep?

Boy: Yeah. Me die (drive) you voom-voom.

Hub: You wanna' drive my jeep?

Boy: Yeah.

Hub: Do you know how to drive?

Boy: Yeah.

Hub: Oh. Do you have your driver's license?

Boy: Yeah.

Hub: Do you have your own car?

Boy: Yeah.

Hub: Are you a compulsive liar?

Boy: Yeah.

So. Freakin'. Funny. I now ask The Boy this question all the time. And he always answers "Yeah." He also apparently can now climb up into The Hubster's Jeep, get the keys from the center console, find the ignition key, and stick the key into the ingnition. Nice.

Okay, so there are my boy adventures for the day.

The Releasement of Social Anxiety (or, The Little Green Cup)

(I gotta' give a shout-out to Jade, the real "undiscovered supermodel," from America's Next Top Model for the title of my post. Even though I hate Jade and wish she would die a horrible, painful death.)

Have you ever had an inanimate object that signified a turning point in your life? I don't think that I have ever had something like that before. But, as of yesterday, I do. This little green coffee cup is that object for me.

For my oldest sister, Campbell's, birthday yesterday, she, Feather, and I went to Sequim (pronounced Squim) to visit a scrapbooking store and have lunch together. We went to a place called the Highway 101 Diner. The food was good, but apparently the coffee cups were even better. Campbell saw the pink version of this cup and wanted one. She figured it was the perfect size to help her cut back on her daily coffee consumption. She tried to slyly convince me to steal one for her (even though none of us ordered coffee). Of course, I would never do something like that (even though I stole a small flag from a Shari's Restaurant for The Hubster the night we met). Since we couldn't steal one, we wondered if we could buy one. Didn't you know you can buy anything, for a price? I declared that I would ask the waitress if we could buy one. She came around again, and it was time to suck it up and ask. I'll be honest with you, I almost chickened out. I do not like to stick my neck out with strangers, even for something as small as a coffee cup. But, I asked:

Me: Can we buy a coffee cup?

Her: You mean one of our coffee cups?

Me: Yeah.

Her: Ummm, I don't know. That's something I'd have to ask the owner.

(At this point, she walks away. We think this is the end of it, figuring the owner isn't around. Then we see her walk to a table in the far corner, filled with four men of varying ages. She has a short conversation and returns to our table.)

Her: He says $4.00.

Me: So, do you want one [Campbell]?

Campbell: (thinking) Uh, yeah, I think so.

Her: Do you want pink or blue?

Campbell: Oh, there's blue?

Her: Yeah, here. (holds up green coffee cup)

Campbell: I'll take a blue one.

I'm sure this waitress in this little diner in this podunk town thought us out-of-towners were a few crayons short of a full box. But I'll tell you, that experience was liberating.

In the recent past, somewhere around here, I started thinking a lot about asking for what I want. About not being afraid of the answer, or embarrassed by the reaction. As someone once said to me "The worst they can say is 'No'." And I'm thinking "Umm, they could say 'Are you kidding me? What kind of idiot are you? Never, in a million years, will the answer to that question ever be Yes.'" So, maybe I've got an over-active imagination. But these are the thoughts that run through my mind when I want to ask for something, and they cause me to freeze up and not voice my requests. With strangers, I am a very non-confrontational person (notice I didn't say with my family, 'cause yeah, I'm pretty confrontational there). I don't like to point out mistakes, and I'm much more likely to accept what I'm given, even if it's not right. And if I want something that isn't freely advertised, I won't ask for it. 'Cause in my little world, if they don't advertise it, it ain't for sale.

That's why this cup was such a big deal for me. It is my first step in getting Betsy-like confidence. What is Betsy-like confidence? I'll tell you. I have this friend named Betsy. She is one of my scrapbooking buddies, and we have kids similar in ages. This woman will ask for ANYTHING! You want soft-serve ice cream for the kiddies at the coffee shop where they don't sell soft-serve ice cream? She's your girl. You need plates, forks, and knives for lunch at the scrapbooking store? She'll ask. You want extra-extra lettuce for your wraps at P.F. Chang's? She'll get it for you. I so admire this about Betsy. These things don't seem like a big deal, I know. But I guarantee you that I would never ask for these things. I would be far too embarrassed and too worried about making whoever-is-helping-me work too hard. So asking for this coffee cup was a HUGE deal. Especially since it wasn't something meal related. You know, something you might expect a person to ask for: ketchup, more napkins, a straw. This was something odd. An "interesting" request that the waitresses gossip about in the break room. But, I did it! This mug represents courage for me. It means that I wasn't too chicken to ask for what I wanted.

I just thought of something. Campbell owns this mug. I will never see it again, unless I hoof it over to her house (ALL THE WAY across the street). Maybe I should ask for joint custody. You know, weekends at my house. Or I could just steal it (since I'm so good at that), and hide it when she comes over to my house. Like "By the way. If your coffee cup goes missing, Feather stole it." Or maybe I will print out that picture and hang it on my wall. Make a giant pop-art poster of The Little Green Cup to remind myself everyday to be brave. To step outside my comfort zone. To not be afraid to ask for what I want. Because, after all, they can only say no.

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P.S. I took this picture with my new camera. I set the cup up on a box covered with a white tablecloth. Looking at it now, I realize the angle is kind of weird, and the cup just looks...off. But oh well. With the help of my photography classes, I'll get better.

I'm going underground

I think I've made a decision. I think I'm going to start an anonymous blog. I love writing on here, but there are some things I just can't write.

Pissed at The Hubster? His grandparents might read this. Annoyed at one of my sisters? I know they check. Feeling depressed or guilty about something? Can't air my dirty laundry to my circle of peeps.

So, I think I'm gonna' hide out. I'll still be on here. But I'm gonna' save the juicy stuff for the Anonymous Blog. Ready or not, here I go....

A Little Free Association

Rising:: Early
Third:: Base
Disruptive:: Toddler
Surround:: Sound
Distant:: Relative
Suction:: Vaccuum
Fried:: Chicken
Nuggets:: Gold
Clip:: Hair
San Antonio:: Texas

Okay, not very exciting, I know. But you should try it sometime. Really opens up the mind. Uh...not so much. Found this here. Why don't you give it a go?

Motivation vs. Motivated

At what point does something stop being "motivational" and actually "motivate" you to get off your fat ass and do something? When do I let something (a movie, a book, a song, a story) not just into my head, but into my heart? When do I take what I feel about something, and turn it into an action?

I just went to see the movie Stick It. It was one of those movies that makes you want to get up and do something. As Feather said "That girl makes me wanna' work out." I get that feeling from so many things I see and hear. I watch a movie about a girl who does gymnastics and it makes ME want to work out. I read a book about a family overcoming a tragedy and it makes me want to be a better mother to my kids. I watch a makeover show, and it makes me want to work on my appearance. I listen to a story of someone who has a near-death experience, and it makes me want to live my life to the fullest. But when do I actually start doing these things?

There are some people in life who have things happen to them that force them to consider their lives; where they are headed, where they really want to be going, and what needs to change to get them where they want to be. A near-fatal accident, the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, a divorce, anything life-changing. I've never had anything like this happen (well, there was a near-divorce, but that's another post). I've never had a huge event. Just small vicarious observations of others' lives. How do I use someone else's experiences to motivate myself? How do I internalize what I've learned and apply it to my life? How do I rewrite my story using bits of another's script?

There are so many things I want to do, have always wanted to do. Go to school for accounting, run a 5k, be a naturally happy person, go a whole day without yelling at my kids, learn how to put on makeup, grow my hair long and actually have it look good, dress like a woman instead of teenage tomboy, eat healthy, conquer my sugar addiction, exercise in some way every day, be eager to clean my house (or the house of my parents, whichever applies), love my family unconditionally, make friends with someone who doesn't share my DNA, drink more than 2 glasses of water a week, find a hobby I love and stick with it, be more consistent in my relationship with God, be thankful for what I have, live each day as if it's my last on earth, not take my life so seriously, have fun with my kids. Some small, some big, some realistic, some not. I just wish I could find in myself the switch to kick start all of this. I wish I could find whatever it is that's missing in my life, in my brain, in my heart that would fuel these sparks of desire into fires of reality (geez, the symbolism is this post is INCREDIBLE!). I don't know what it is that gets me going.

I'm going to make a confession here (and no, it's not about my hair). Sometimes I wish something bad would happen to me. Not to my husband or my kids. But to me. That I would get in a car accident, or get some serious illness. Not because I have a death wish. I just wish something would give me that push into greatness that I can't seem to give myself. I'm so tired of resolving every night to be better the next day, and then never changing. I'm tired of waking up every morning the same lazy, grumpy, unmotivated person that I was yesterday. No matter how much I WANT to change, I just can't seem to.

The Hubster hit the nail on the head just now. He walked into the room and asked what I was doing. I said I was writing a post about motivation. And he said "Or lack thereof?" YES! That's exactly it. Lack of motivation. And everyone can see it. And I hate that about myself. I hate that everyone knows the worst parts of me. That they see the laziness. They see the grumpiness. They see the lack of motivation. The lack of self-discipline. How do you reverse 26 years of your own bad impressions? Short of moving away and starting a new life under an assumed identity, I mean. And when you do start to change, how long until they notice? How long do they just assume that you are the same old Beth, and not someone new, someone better?

I don't even feel like trying anymore. I don't feel like improving myself, because everyone close to me still tells me I'm lazy, or that I'm a bitch. I know I should be doing it for myself. But have you ever tried to run a marathon with people on the sidelines asking why you're walking, telling you you're standing still, saying you'll never finish? There is something to be said for outside support. Now, I don't want you to read this and assume that I think I'm perfect. I'm as guilty of all this negativity as much as the next guy (or girl). I assume the worst of The Hubster. I often see the negative in situations with my sisters. I short-change my childrens' abilities. My family is pretty negative and critical by nature. It's how we grew up. But sometimes I feel like the negativity is aimed my way more often than at others. I don't know. Maybe it comes from being the youngest of five. Will I ever feel differently? I don't know. My guess is, I'll still feel this way even when everyone around me is being 100% supportive and positive. I'll always feel like people around me are talking about me behind their hands. I think that's the free toy in the Low Self-Esteem Happy Meal.

Anywho. How do I take all of this, the low self-esteem, the criticism, the absence of turning points, and flip it? Any suggestions? How do you deal with your hard luck and use it to your advantage? What things have you learned in your life that enable you to take that lack of motivation and turn it around?

Comments and suggestions are appreciated. But if you're just going to get on here and call me an ungrateful whiner, don't bother. This is my blog, after all, and I'll write whatever I want. Don't read it if you don't like it.

Pretty picture.

Here is another picture with the new camera. I love the macro setting.

The first picture.

Well, here it is. The first picture with the new camera. Okay, this is actually the third picture, but it was the cutest. Isn't The Boy cute? I've only taken three pictures with it, and I already love it.

This girl has gone digital.

Well, I did it. I bought my dream Digital SLR. Here she is:

Isn't she beautiful? A Canon EOS Digital Rebel XT. I got the black body so that I wouldn't mess up this one and my 35mm one. It has the silver body. I get the camera on Friday, along with the memory card. The UV filters for all my lenses come next week sometime. It is my 2005 and 2006 Mother's Day/Birthday/Christmas present. I. CAN'T. WAIT. UNTIL. FRIDAY. I am so friggin' excited. You don't even understand. I can't wait until my photog class next Tuesday, so that I can learn new stuff about my new camera. EEEEEEEEHHHHHH!!!!!! Whew...okay, calm down.

So, the next order of business is naming my camera. One as cool as this HAS to have a name. Help me out people. What should it be?

Okay, going to bed now, since it's late, and I seem to be losing my mind. Goodnight.

Some new pictures

Here are some pictures from my latest roll of film. I know you're saying "FILM?!?! Why hasn't this girl gone digital?" And I will, someday. When I can save the money to buy the Digital SLR of my dreams. Anyway, on to the fun!

The Kids with Papa Joe and GG in California. My children make the worst faces in pictures....

Two of The Nieces and The Kids at the waterfront.

Papa and The Boy on "Papa's reh cackoh." That would be Papa's red tractor for those who don't speak Toddler-ese.

Eggs in a nest that a bird built next to our house. Shh, they're a secret. None of the kids know about them.

The Girl dressed all pretty for school.

Thought this was cute.

I'm still here.

Okay, I really am still alive. I haven't died of South American Dizziness Disease. The weather has just been so nice lately, and we've had so much going on, and I've been so busy reading other people's blogs, and commenting on other people's blogs, and sleeping, and eating, and watching movies (oh yeah, I finally joined blockbuster.com), and cooking, and laying on the couch, and chillin' with my homies. My life is so full, and busy, and satisfying that I just don't have the time.

Okay, so not true. Well, some of it's true. But not all of it. Things have been steady around here. I guess I just haven't had the motivation to sit down and write. Or the inspiration. All week I'm like "Hmmm, I wonder if I could blog that. Could I make it funny?" But then, I go "No, that's not very funny. Who wants to hear about the time The Boy handed me something in the dark and it ended up being a booger?" So, you see, I'm thinking of all of you when I'm not with you. Funny, I used to think of my life as a scrapbook. Now I think of it as a blog. Interesting.....

Okay, I'm going to go relax in a hot bath, and then go to bed. Good night all. Sorry this is so random.

P.S. I should have something cool to write about on Wednesday. The Hubster and I are going to a Mariners game and sitting in good seats. Too bad Dan Wilson doesn't play anymore. --sigh....Dan Wilson-- So, I'll let you know how it goes.

The REAL reality TV

So, I have this email sitting in my inbox (that I sent to myself) of things I want to blog about when I have the time, or the inclination. Things like: The Boy vs. The Girl, why The Boy has more clothes than The Girl, my lack of childhood memories, falling off the caffeine wagon, and my horrendous sugar ADDICTION that I have apparently passed on to The Boy. But, today, when both of my children are down for naps, do I choose to blog any of these things? No. I've got something else to talk about.

Have you ever seen "House?" You know the show I'm talking about. The one with the doctor TV Guide says "we love to hate." Personally, I love the guy. And I love to love him. He is a diagnostician, and he is a total jerk. But, the whole point of the show (for those who don't watch, shame on you!) is that people come to the hospital for one reason or another, and if it is an odd case, or if the syptoms don't fit the diagnosis, Dr. Gregory House and his team of underlings work until they figure out what the heck is wrong with these patients. He is pretty rude along the way, to everyone, but he always gets the job done.

So, I think I watch too much of this show.

I woke up this morning, after about eight hours sleep (which is a lot for me, I usually get six to seven hours). The alarm went off at 6 AM, and as I was reaching over The Hubster's side of the bed to change it to 7:00, I felt like I was going to pass out. Not fall back asleep, but literally fall right where I was. My head was swimming, and it felt like my eyes were rolling back in my head. The Girl came in my room at 6:40, and I still felt the same way. I made her leave the room until 7:00. When the alarm went off, I got up to take a shower, and I still felt the same way. Got The Boy up, got them something to eat, and got in the shower. I had to hold on to the wall for most of the shower, because I was afraid I would fall down. I thought maybe I was hungry, so I ate a Special K cereal bar while I was getting ready. Finished getting the kids ready, all the while shushing them because my head was pounding. Drove to church for MOPS, left the kids, ran (okay, I drove) back home to get something, and drove back to church, while eating a PayDay candy bar. At this point, I was still feeling the same, but I knew it wasn't because I was tired. If I'm super-tired, the first place it shows itself is in my driving. I've actually had to pull over and nap on long trips because I'm falling asleep at the wheel. So, we've ruled out tiredness. I got back to church, ate some food, which was protein. I was still feeling the same. So, I've ruled out hunger, because not only have I eaten, but I've made sure that I've had sugar and protein, the two things people always tell you to eat when you're feeling weak and headachy. So, I'm not tired, and I'm not hungry. I'm not stuffed up, my ears aren't plugged up, nothing else is wrong with me. Just a slight headache, swimming brain, dizziness if I bend farther than 45 degrees, and sensitivity to light. The Hubster's answer? Take some medicine and lay down with the kids. What kind of medicine? Who knows, just take something. We stopped and got lunch, and I'm feeling a little better. The headache and the light sensitivity are still around, as I'm sure the dizziness would be if I bent over.

Now that you've heard all my symptoms, I'll tell you why I watch too much "House." I'm not sitting here thinking "Maybe I have the flu, or a cold, or a migraine." Oh no, I'm all, "Maybe I've got a brain tumor. Or a mass on my spinal column that's not letting blood get to my brain. Or maybe I've got some rare South American Dizziness Disease that is only passed by eating the brains of flesh eating piranas from the Amazon River." Oh wait, I've never been to South America. Or eaten pirana brains. Never mind.

I've noticed myself doing this with a lot of TV shows I watch. Not so much with the ghost-y shows I watch (Medium, Ghost Whisperer), but with the crime shows, as well as the medical show. I watch all of the Law & Orders (original, SVU, and Criminal Intent), Criminal Minds, Cold Case, CSI (Vegas only, thank you), and Without a Trace. Okay, I know, I watch a lot of TV. But we have a DVR, so I don't watch TV all night long all the time. But I've noticed myself worrying about my kids. The Girl sleeps right next to the window in the kids' bedroom, and it's a really low window (as in, her bed is even with the bottom of the window). I was laying in bed the other night thinking how easy it would be for someone to reach in the window and grab her without making a sound. I started freaking myself out, and wondering if I should get up and check on her. But, I stopped myself. I know worrying like that shows that I don't trust God, so I stopped and prayed, peace for me, safety for the kids. I just don't know what I would do without these kids, and it freaks me out to even imagine my life without them.

Okay, no more. I must go watch my DVR'd "America's Next Top Model." Go watch Fish-Lips Brooke get kicked off. Yeah, I cheated. Feather told me the ending. All about how Jade gets knocked down a few notches at the judging (I'm over here laughing hysterically, because I HATE Jade.) So, there is my craziness for the day. Enjoy!

A photo essay of the Singer family, circa 1991 (or, the post in which I humiliate my entire family, including the dead dog)

So, when I went down to California I had to go through some pictures that got wet in the Winter of 2005 Garage Flooding Incident. I reboxed them and brought them home. Well, these pictures are kind of old. Okay, not ancient, but at least 15 to 17 years old. So, I decided to look through them and post some of my family. Here goes:

Here is Dad in all his resplendent early-90's glory. Notice the military issue, thick framed glasses. But no, folks, that's not a pocket protector. It's his glasses case.

Mom with a mullet. Need I say more?

Jenni on the trashed green couch we all loved so dearly.

I told you it wasn't that bad, Heather. **This one got off easy.**

Dani, with a typical Dani picture face.

Not sure why Kim's not wearing pants....

Okay, I LOOK LIKE HOWARD STERN!!!! Why didn't I cut my hair?

Even Dusty was prone to odd faces.

Well, there we all are in 1991. Luckily, we have all grown out of our '90s funk. Here is a picture of all of us at Heather's wedding in 2003. This picture is actually minus six children/grandchildren. One didn't want to be in the picture, three weren't adopted yet, one was still in my tummy, and one hadn't been created yet. But, here ya' go:

So, there we are. Aren't we cute? You know, it's been tough growing up in this family. We fight hard, but we also love hard. Any of us would throw down for any of the others, if we had to. I mean, I would fight 67 wild monkeys in a dark alley with only a pocket knife for a weapon to protect one of my sisters, if I had to. Not 68 wild monkeys, mind you. That might be more than I can handle.

Okay, I'm going to go now. I think that's enough of that. I hope you enjoyed this look into our past lives.

I have a confession to make.

Well, it's not going to be a confession when my sisters read it. 'Cause they've always known it. Always made fun of me for it. The jerks. Okay, here goes (deep breath in, deep breath out)....

I had bad hair as a child. No really, I did. You think I'm kidding? You say you want proof? Okay, you asked for it.

Tell me that is not horrible. And believe me, that ain't the worst one. I asked my mom once why she let me go out of the house like this, and she answered "Because you wouldn't let me brush your hair!" Well, can ya' blame me? Look at that crazy mess. Imagine the yelling that came out of me when she tried to jam a brush through it. What was my mother thinking? Yikes.

All I can say is, I'm glad The Girl doesn't have my hair. I think The Boy may have inherited it, but he's a boy, and we can just shave it off (which we do). The Girl, however, has beautiful hair. Smooth and straight. Those are the two things I wish my hair had been as a child, and really, the two things I still wish my hair were (was, would be?). She's got The Hubster's hair color (very light brown, but she gets blonde streaks in the summer). The Boy has that hair color too. It kinda' sucks, 'cause I wish I had had a dark haired baby. She's got a slight wave to it, but NO CURL and NO FRIZZ! Praise the LORD!!!! Okay, can you tell hair is kind of an important thing to me? When you grow up with hair like mine, it kinda' has to be. Anywho....

I braided The Girl's hair this morning for the aforementioned Class Picture. I think her hairstyle:

is much better than this one of mine was:

Again with the WHAT WAS MY MOTHER THINKING?!?!?

Okay, one last picture, just to show you how beautiful My Girl is. She looks so much better with her bangs cut.

Okay, I know it's a cheesy smile. But she's cute, huh? I love this girl!

I'm going to post a picture later, after I get back from taking her to school, of my whole famn damily. It's a whopper. But, that's later. Ta ta for now.

My bragging rights for the day.

That, my friends, is thyme. And I grew it. From seeds. Oh yeah, I'm cool. I rock.

Okay, can you tell I've never grown ANYTHING from seeds before. Shoot, I can't keep houseplants alive. But I'm doin' it now. Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah (okay, picture me standing on the computer chair, chanting this, doing the Cabbage Patch...frightening, I know).

Aren't I so cool? Yeah, I thought so.

Okay, so I know it's been forever since I've been on here. Wait, does four days qualify as forever? I don't have time to do a big post right now (I have to get The Girl ready for school and class pictures), but I'm hoping I'll get on here later to post. I have soooooo much to tell you. Okay, not really. But I can make something up. I should go and get said Girl ready for said school and said class pictures.

See ya' later!

The Kewlest Shirt EVER!

Just thought I'd share with you all my very favorite shirt. Here it is:

I don't know why I love this shirt so much, but I do. I love random t-shirts like this. I think they let me show the weird, random side of my personality that I don't let out very much anymore. And yes, I do own this one. And I can't wait for the weather to get warmer so people can actually see it, and I don't have to wear a jacket over it.

Here is another one that I love:

TB, my sister, just bought this one. So totally reminds me of my childhood. I loved that song, man! I may have to copy her and buy it.

By the way, these two shirts are from Delia's. They have an enormous selection of random t-shirts.

Okay, I just thought I'd share with y'all.

What's in YOUR purse?

So, I stole this idea from Mom to the Screaming Masses. She had a post that listed everything in her purse. So, I thought I'd play the game too. Here's a list of what's in my red/blue/green/orange/yellow/black striped purse from Target...(hold please, while I sort)...

• iPod Nano in bright pink armband with exercise headphones attatched
• blue iPod Nano skin
• earbuds that came with the Nano
• Belkin TuneCast II (FM receiver for the car)
• Crystal Light On The Go packet (lemonade)
• Special K Bar (strawberry flavored)
• Trident gum (original flavor)
• zippered pouch with: Cool Citrus Basil lotion, Listerine Pocket Mist, small Kleenex package, nail clippers, Aveeno cold sore treatment, Blistex Silk N Shine, and Rimmel Twist & Shine Sheer Lip Polish in Brilliance
• 2 pens (Pampered Chef andWindmill Inns)
• a lock for when I go to the gym
• today's workout log from the gym
• 2 Trident wrappers
• Oral-B Brush-Ups
• a $20 bill
• a KCFCU envelope with 18-one dollar bills
• a $5 Safeway coupon for any Claritin product
• 5 receipts (Safeway, Fred Meyer, WalMart, Hollywood Video, and Kitsap Credit Union)
• reminder card for our next counseling appointment
• Safeway shopping list with everything crossed off but Jumbo Pasta Shells (had to get them at Fred Meyer)
• change purse with $1.03 in change
• Yellow notepad with mini-pen
• wallet with various store club cards, debit/credit cards, membership cards (library, AAA, gym), kids' health cards, driver's license, coffee (i mean hot chocolate) punch card, pictures of family, and social security cards (I KNOW you're not supposed to carry those with you. I just haven't taken them out from the dentist trip five months ago.)
  

WHEW. Okay, that's it. Well, that's in the purse I'm using now. I've got one up on a shelf that I'm not currently using but it is storing some stuff for me.

So, what's in your purse? Post it on your blog, or if you don't have one (ahem....Yella), post it as a comment.

OH, THE INSANITY!!!

So much to say, so little motivation. I know you are all anticipating and waiting patiently for my next post. Too bad for you.

There has been some stuff going on in my life. Not much. But enough to keep me from shriveling into a little dried up bethbean. But I have NO motivation to sit down and write about it. I've got too many shows on my DVR to watch from the week I was gone!!!

Speaking of shows that were on while I was gone. "America's Next Top Model." I CAN'T BELIEVE MOLLIE SUE WAS KICKED OFF!!!! Over JADE!!! That was the stupidest thing I ever saw. I hate Jade. She is arrogant and rude and mean and more annoying than anyone I have ever seen!!! I HATE HER!!!! And I hope the judges see through her manipulative crap soon, and get rid of "THE undiscovered supermodel." Grrrr. Can you tell I was yelling at the TV while I was watching yesterday? Anywho....

I went to yoga today. My first class. Went with My Neighbor. Her ex-sister-in-law was supposed to go with us, but she couldn't find a parking space (read: the parking at Westcoast Fitness SUCKS!) and got in too late to join the class. So, it was just me and My Neighbor. It was pretty cool. Very relaxing. I'm hoping all the stretching will help me with my incredibly horrible, non-existent flexibility. But remind me next time to use two mats. 'Cause laying on my stomach, doing the stretch were you lift only your legs. Yeah, that hurt. As TB knows, the hip bones are a little (okay, a lot) pokey. And those suckers were poking right into that hardwood floor. Ow. So, on Thursday, I'll use two mats. Anyway. It was good.

Alright, that's it. You have dragged enough out of me. I will not write anymore. I told you I didn't have any motivation, and darn it, I DON'T! So, no more. I have to change The Boys diaper and put him to bed. And I have to figure out what the heck he is doing with his "hoot nacks" (that would be fruit snacks, to the english speaking world).

Later.

I'm baaaaaaack!!!

Again with the uuuunnnnnhhhhhh..... We are home. We left Cali at exactly 2:00 pm today. We arrived home at 11:45 pm. Not bad. Under 10 hours, with three(?) potty stops, and an hour and a half for dinner.

I am going to bed now. Because I have been home for almost two hours, and I'm still not sleeping.

I will post tomorrow. Hopefully I will have something brilliant and witty and side-splittingly funny to say. Keep your fingers crossed.

Good night.

typing quickly

not going to bother with proper english composition tonight. the boy is sleeping about ten feet behind me, and i'm trying to type quietly. and without turning on lights to find all those annoying keys like shift. you're lucky i'm using a period.

today was a good day. the kids played outside for most of the morning, while I napped. i love it here. after i decided to get my lazy butt out of bed, i showered and the kids and i headed out. we went to yreka (no, not eureka) to meet the hubster's mom for lunch. before we went there, we stopped at the bank where i used to work to say hi. stopped at walmart to drop off some pictures and so the girl could go potty. met GC for lunch. the girl used the potty two more times while we were there (three if you count the time we went in for a butt spankin'). it was a potty day. after lunch we stopped by wally's, picked up the pictures and a few other things (read: i am a sucker and buy my children way too much stuff). headed back to the valley. stopped by ray's in fort jones, but walked over to the bookkeeping office where i used to work. found out one of the girls who eventually took my place walked out a couple of weeks ago, leaving my old job open. found myself wishing the hubster could find decent work in the valley so we could move back, and i could work there again. walked back over to ray's and picked up something for dinner and a cherry coke (read: drink of the dEVIL). drove to etna, stopped at ray's in etna to get caf-Fiend free coke (to cancel out the cherry coke, you know?). drove home. put the kids down for a nap at 4 pm (what am i, INSANE?). sat and read a little, listened to my pretty pink iPod, and slept for a little bit (i am such a lazy bum!!!). Got up, started dinner, made dinner, ate dinner, cleaned up from dinner. watched the girl, the boy, and gg have a tea party. i'm pretty sure it's their fortieth one since we've been here. hung out for the rest of the night until i put the kids down at 9:30 pm. hoping they'll sleep a little later tomorrow for the late bedtime (YEAH RIGHT!!!). took a bath, read and prayed a little more. came to bed and decided to email the hubster a love note. got sucked into the evil world of the internet. blogs, emails, dictionary word searches. damn you, internet, damn you!

okay, so there is a very long run down of my oh so interesting day. getting off now, before i give into my urge to go back and capitalize everything. going to get into my electric blanket heated bed. loves to all!

p.s. can i just say that i love the little bumps on the j and f keys that let you know your fingers are in the right position. great for midnight in-the-dark typing.

It has been 26 years since my last confession.....

Okay, I have a confession to make. I love being on vacation here. 'Cause I don't have to watch my kids. I have been in the back room, on the computer, for almost an hour. And my kids have been outside with GG.

I hate being outside (**shudder**), especially when it is so frickin' cold out. This is pretty much the only time The Boy gets to go outside, when we are here. The poor thing. They have gone in the Tonka Truck (four-wheeler truck), they have gathered chicken eggs, they have tried to feed the horses (the stupid things didn't want carrots. what's up with that?). They have gone on walks, and played out on the deck. All while I was inside, nice and warm and cozy.

Don't get me wrong. I still get meals ready, and change clothes and poopy diapers, and put them to bed. But I don't have to play with them!!! It's so nice. Thank God for still-active GGs (great-grandma's, for those that don't know).

Speaking of putting them to bed. It is nap time. I must go deal with the screaming and crying (mostly from The Boy). Say "Nuh-night!"

We have survived! And other random conclusions....

Uuuunnnnnhhhhhh.......we're here. I have come to some conclusions on this trip.

First, the drive from Bremerton, WA to Etna, CA (approximately 535 miles) is a bit like childbirth. It's long, it's painful, it's stressful. It completely drains all of your energy and leaves you recovering for days (okay, maybe one day). You'd like to have some sort of drug to get you through it, to just knock you out for the duration. But you know you're better off going natural so that you are all there for it, so you can concentrate and give 100%. And the end result of the drive/childbirth is so worth all of the effort you have put forth, and all of the pain you have endured. To see the smiling faces of the kids, and the smiles and tears from GG and Papa makes that 10+ hour drive all worth it. It makes listening to children's movies for nine hours worth it. It makes sharing a hotel bed with a magnetic four-year old worth it. (Okay, just to clarify that statement: When you share a bed with The Girl it's like you have a piece of metal strapped to your back and she is a magnet. Everytime you wake up, she is on your back like white on rice, no matter how many times you move her away.) It's all worth it. And the way the drive is MOST like childbirth? You forget how painful it is shortly after it's over, so that you continue to do it time after time.

The second conclusion I have come to is in regards to caffeine (or, as I like to call it, caf-fiend). I'm sure some of you know that Caf-feind is my arch nemesis. We do NOT get along. Actually, since I have semi-given it up, we are faring much better. I can have it occasionally without any bad side effects (i.e. peeing every 10 minutes, staying up until 5 o'clock in the morning). I have actually had A LOT of caffeine this last four days, what with scrapbooking and the drive down, so now I'm working on getting off of it. But caffeine's role in my drive down here is what I would like to focus on today. It is amazing to me what a super-drug caffeine can be. I was so tired driving down that I actually had to stop just outside of Olympia for a short nap. I was afraid I would fall asleep while driving, and I didn't want to take any chances. After I woke up, we got started again. A while later, I stopped somewhere (I don't remember where) and got a Cherry Coke. And I'm not kidding you, after two drinks of that soda, I was wide awake. Before I stopped, my eyes were all heavy, and I was starting to worry about falling asleep again (my body goes into sleep mode when it even THINKS about long-distance driving). It was awesome. And I did it again on Monday morning. I had gotten a fairly decent nights sleep, but as soon as I got into the car, I was tired again. So I stopped in Grants Pass and got a Pepsi. And immediately I was awake. Shoot, I didn't even have to drink it. I just looked at it and I could feel the magic elixer coursing through my veins. Okay, not quite, but you know what I mean. So, I have concluded that caffeine, whether injected, ingested, snorted, smoked, swallowed, or just drunk out of a 20 oz bottle is my new "energy drink." I don't have to spend $3.00 on a bottle of RockStar or Full Throttle to get my boost. I'll just go buy a 50 cent can of Cherry Coke and be done with it (only 50 cents outside of WalMart, of course).

My third conclusion. When I watch children's movies now, I laugh at how much I identify with the parents in the movies. I'm talking Disney cartoons here people, not after-school specials. The kids were watching Bambi II on the way down (cute movie by the way, lots of funny parts). There is a part where Bambi yells "I wish Mother were here instead of you!" to his father. And I'm not sitting there thinking "Poor Bambi. His dad isn't being very nice to him. And he misses his mom. Aaawwwhhh." I'm sitting there wondering how bad that made Bambi's dad feel. Thinking about how much that must have hurt him. This is a cartoon deer we are talking about, people!! I'm sympathizing with a cartoon. I think I'm losing it. But I find myself doing that more often. I feel bad for parents in movies and shows when their kids act out, or say mean things to them. I give advice to fictional parents when I see their stories (it's usually "You need to smack that kid" but who cares, right?). I can't quite figure out when the shift happened. I don't think it was the minute I got pregnant, or even after The Girl was born. But sometime in the last several years, I think I have truly become a parent. I guess I can stop feeling like I'm pretending now. Like I'm just babysitting these kids for someone else. I can feel like a real adult now, not like I'm still in high school. But, that is a post for another day.

Right now I should go hang out with The Boy. The Girl went with GG to get a haircut (yes, TB, she is getting her bangs cut), and The Boy is not feeling well. So, I leave you all to your lives. Enjoy them!