Wednesday, March 03, 2010

I've got this thing...

I really should be going to bed, but I figured I was due for a blog post soon. Now, if I could get my darn fingers to cooperate, we'd be good. My backspace key is seeing more action than my hubby did during my last pregnancy.

Anyway. Do you ever have that one thing? You know, the one that, if it changed, you are convinced the rest of your life would fall to order? Of course, once that thing changes, and your life goes magically perfect, another thing pops up, and the cycle continues. I guess that's where having joy (not just happiness) in all your circumstances comes in, huh? Being thankful to God for all that you have, and finding peace through him. But....there's still that thing.

Right now, my thing is Emma sleeping through the night. I am utterly convinced that life would be pure bliss if she would just sleep for 10 hours straight.

So, for your amusement, here's a list of ways that my life would change if my darling infant would just conk out already:

1. I would start going to bed at a normal time (say, 10:00 instead of 12:00 or 1:00).
2. I would get up early in the mornings to read my Bible and pray, instead of being completely useless before 8:00 a.m.

Sorry, I had to go get Emma to sleep. I'm back now. Did you miss me? Oh wait, you didn't even know I was gone. Anyway, back to the list:

3. My house would be completely cleaned, from top to bottom, in an orderly manner every week.
4. School would become the favorite part of everyone's day, instead of being something we struggle to get through before I get irritated, before the kids get bored, and just a few minutes after Zeke tears the house apart.
5. My knitting skillz would improve.
6. Dinner would appear on the table at 5:00 every night, with little to no planning and/or work from me.
7. My hair would be fabulous.
8. I'd lose that last 10 pounds.
9. Zeke would learn to use the potty.
10. All our bills would be paid off.
11. I'd find time during the day to sew.
12. Facebook would lose it's evil kryptonite-like hold on me.
13. I would start running/biking/working out everyday.
14. The piles of rubbish that occupy the flat spaces in my house would disappear.
15. I'd start buying/cooking healthier food for the whole fam.

Ummm...I'm sure there's a lot more, but it's almost 11:30, and my brain has gone to Standby mode, so that's all I can think of for now. And that was kind of a long sentence. Anyhoo....

Reading back over my list, I've realized something. Any of those items on that list could be my "thing." They are all pretty much interchangeable. Like, if my hair would just be fabulous, Zeke would learn to use the potty. Or if my knitting skillz improved, my flat spaces would be clean.

I guess this is just my lesson this week on how life is never going to be perfect, or even slightly normal (I do have four children after all). There is always going to be something that I can use as an excuse for bad behavior, something I can point to and say "See that there? That's the reason my life isn't how I want it to be. That's the reason I'm being selfish/lazy/whiny/grumpy. It's not my fault!".

*sigh* So this is the part where I tell you that it's not all Emma's fault. Although I do think it's her fault a little bit. Like I tell Tyner all. the. time. We all make our own choices. Whether they are good or bad, we choose how we will act and react to things.

Am I going to make a bad choice the next time I'm tired because we got up three times in the middle of the night? Or am I going to choose joy and peace? Am I going to turn to The One who gives those things to me, and ask for His help? Guess we'll see in the morning....


Kimi said...

Oh how I feel you on so many levels...minus the baby sleeping thru the night...well right now it's my near 9 year old that won't go thru the night. This cold she has is driving me to tears. Coughing all night long.
So much to do in my house and now we're adding a 1 year old during the day for the next 2 months. Argh, shall i just pull all my hair out now?

Corrie said...

You are hilarious, Beth. You make me laugh more than the other blogs I read. And I don't just read all serious blogs. Only mostly. :)

And you already have great hair. Cross it off your list. And leave your hair down and be happy... :) Or joyful, I should say.